April 13, 2005

You’re Bored Because You’re Boring

The writers of DogBitingMen take a long hard look at themselves…

Olivia: We seem to have gained the
internerd equivalent of hate mail from last week’s flurry of postings where we attempted to emulate “ϋber-bloggers” by posting multiple times each day.

David: What’s “hate mail”?

Ben: It’s like fan mail but less accurate. Falloon, get ready to pen some angry correspondence to one Stephen Thomas Cooper.

David: What’s Stephen Thomas Cooper?

Neil: More importantly, what shall I skewer him on - his
crappy journalism awards? The tabloid he works for?

Ben: Neither. This one is a Labour Party rube – a circus side-show frontbum of no consequence in the social democratic movement, let alone wider society.

David: Like Clayton Cosgrove?

Ben: Worse. I’m not sure Stephen Thomas Cooper is even an MP.

Olivia: We can hardly waste the fragile, unspoilt bandwidth of the internet on such a person.

Neil: If we were to go after nobodies, Cosgrove would start his telephone harassment campaign against us again.

David: I liked the time he called us to ask if our fridge was running.

Olivia: Anyway, who is everyone else criticising at the moment?

Neil: The Jewish community gets a lot of abuse.

David: When I was editor of a student rag, I wrote a story that exposed a Holocaust denier on campus.

Neil: Therefore your credentials for a volte face are impeccable. That's what you like doing, isn't it David?

David: That is the most amoral and unprincipled thing you have ever typed into a pretend-conversation. Using the poncy term “volte face” in italics does not make it any better.

Ben: Besides Neil, didn’t you learn from John Tamihere’s disgusting comments? Even Rodney Hide is apoplectic about them. On his vote-winning blog Rodney says Tamihere’s comments were “beyond the pale” and “a form of Holocaust denial”. Rodney says “he must resign now”. He’s even dredged up those “Maori Holocaust” comments Tariana Turia made in 2000.

Neil: At least he didn’t let it ruin his enjoyment of the Arms Fair the weekend before last. He was very chirpy holding a semi-automatic weapon in that photograph.

Ben: ACT exhibited at the Arms Fair in October last year, too – in fact, their table was opposite a prominent display of privately-owned Nazi memorabilia including flags, helmets and payslip books. I’ll bet that if that stand was there this year, or if Rodney was at the gun show in 2004, he would have given the stallholders a fiery piece of his mind.

Neil: Most certainly. A latter-day Simon Wiesenthal like Rodney would never stand for that sort of carry-on.

David: Although this is all very interesting in a mean-spirited and crude “guilt by association” sort of way, it doesn’t solve the problem of who we lash out toward.

Ben: What about the inscrutable Stephen Ching? What do we know about him?

Neil: Nothing that’s not potentially defamatory. The smart money says to wait for Keith Ng’s interview with him to be published. Or maybe the third part of Ian Wishart’s interview with Tamihere, if it exists – Ching is not popular with the Labour Party’s grass-roots organisation.

Ben: Or perhaps conservative blogger Aaron Bhatnagar will become the new Wishart and get the goods.

Neil: Is now a good time to mention the new weekly column about politics that debuts on Friday 29 April in the National Business Review?

Olivia: Do you mean the new weekly column about politics that debuts on Friday 29 April in the National Business Review with the double-banger byline of “David W Young and Ben Thomas”?

Neil: Why yes, that’s the exact new weekly column about politics that debuts on Friday 29 April in the National Business Review that I was talking about.

David: Ooh! That’s super. And rather handy, what with me leaving my day job and all that. So should I withdraw my application for an artist’s benefit then? Or do we do this one for free like blogging?

Olivia: Some people do blogging for free?

(Silence)

Ben: I liked writing book reviews. Maybe we don’t have to savage anyone.

Neil: We could review David Slack’s new book, and kill two birds with one stone.



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